Posted 11:45 PM by danielgingras
I have considerable fear that the 3 people who like to rub their eyes in the isopropyl alcohol that is “The Temporary Gronk” will scowl and hiss at me for repositioning Adam’s tremendous post with my meager interpretations of humour. To whomever this may apply to: I fart in your general direction.

A lesson in M.S.N. Anger Management –

Thud! What’s that sound? That’s the sound of the hamster in the little wheel that powers the entire MSN Network collapsing from a stroke. It seems that the word “Send” in my message console would be more aptly termed “end,” without the s. Perhaps a better one would be “Make Everything Fucking Break Now”, because every time I push it my MSN messenger craps out error messages until it’s so bogged down with warm stinky code that it collapses in on itself creating a fantastic excretal black hole. An interesting side note, I am in fact starting to develop a blister on my right hand index finger that looks remarkably like a silhouette of Bill Gates laughing at me. Another slightly less interesting side note, If I had my way Bill Gates would be developing a large genital wart on his penis in the shape of me mooning him with my pasty white Alaskan buttocks.

Smash! What’s that sound? That’s the sound of the laptop on the my desk breaking into thousands of useless silicon pieces because it thought it would be funny to devote 300 of its 312 megabytes of ram to the incorrect operation of M.S.N., which resulted in my incorrectly operating my fucking laptop right into the fucking wall. The fact that the components of my laptop are now lying across my floor will not prevent M.S.N. from working as well as it ever did.

(What sound does burning make…?)
Fire Fire Fire! What’s that sound? That’s the faint sound of Bill Gates applying penis cream overpowered by the roar of the towering flames that engulf his mansion. The hot book of matches in my hand feels much more contoured to the curves of my palm than any pathetic Microsoft Mouse ever did. I tilt my head back and scream with sadistic pleasure into the dark night sky tinged with orange.

“YOUR NETWORK CONNECTION TO THE INTERNET HAS BEEN LOST, BILL, SO YOU HAVE BEEN SIGNED OUT FROM MSN MESSENGER!”

By the way, my AIM screen name is “TheFearsomeBigD.” Feel free to IM me.